Musings XXIV

Roller Coaster part 3

I am going to start the discussion of what it feels like to live in the high energy Polar region. 

People seem to be operating in slow motion, which means my mind is moving at high speed.   It is darting from one topic to the next.  If I am doing an activity I will do part of it and the fixate on a different task. 

For those of you who remember Super Balls think of  it being perpetually in motion moving in random directions. This is how my mind feels

I will get frantic and the notion something has to change become a mantra in my head. 

In this mode I can be very impulsive.  I will go shopping and buy things that I might take out of the boxes. I will buy clothes and have to cram the new item in an already over crowded closet. 

I will think having random sex with a guy is fine.  Yes I have browsed the Craigslist adds. 

In my cognitive mind all of this seems so absurd and I will see the boxes and wonder why I purchased stuff. 

When I am entrenched in there manic high energy mode the thoughts of suicide creep in and I have to push back the thoughts.   In the past I would start drinking to shut out the mental noise.

I will be talking about the subject of mental noise in the next entry and start putting a story behind how I feel.
Right now I am in dancing around the high energy region.  Yes this sucks.


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