Musings XXI

Mirror, Mirror Who is the fairest of them all?

As a woman, I have a love hate relationship with mirrors.   I love that I finally am seeing the woman that I have always wanted to see, yet hate the mirror because I see the flaws.  I know..”welcome to the club “.

I the past before hormones and understanding what Gender Dysphoria was, looking in the mirror was excruciating.   I wanted to see a female yet I just saw an ugly male.  To be called handsome was like having a knife slash through my heart. 

No matter what I tried in trying women’s clothes or makeup, all I saw was a disgusting male. 

The mirror was my worst enemy because it assaulted what my brain was demanding.  My internal image of myself was a beautiful woman and the reflection was an ugly male. 

Gender Dysphoria is not something I wanted.  it is a condition that pushed me to the edge too many times and is somethingthat cannot be trivialized.   You do wake up one day and think it would be fun to change genders.   It can be a constant drum beat saying I have to be female.

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