Musings XVII

Happy Mother’s day to my friends

I should think about my mother more, however I feel guilty at times because I was supposed to be her son.

There is a sadness of Mother’s day for me because I could never be a mother.  I was never to have the body that could have a baby.  When I was young I would pray to God that I would be changed into a girl magically over night.  It never happened and I would pray harder the next night.

Puberty was hell because it was set on the wrong course.  As girls were developing into women I was developing into a man. Gender Dysphoria really kicks in at this point and I had to hide the pain.  I will discuss the issues of facades’ in another entry.

I totally love living as a woman, however it has always been about the body. I have always wanted a natural female body.  I have always wanted to be a mother.  Women tell me I am lucky to never having a period.  Guess what I have always wanted all of this.  Even now I see young women and want to have a body like theirs.

In October I will be going to Thailand to have Gender Confirmation Surgery and I will be happy Mother’s day will be still tough but I will be able to look at my body and smile.

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