Monthly Archives: February 2015

Musings IX

This is going to be the first of many musings of what it is like to be a transgender woman.  

Being a  woman is amazing and something  my brain has demanded since I was four years old.  I know can live an authentic life knowing that what I have is a gift from Godess.   OK  I am a heretic by saying God is female.

Recently there have been movies and television shows that depict transgender women.   In all of these the part of the Transgender woman is played by a male actor.   Why not use a transgender woman play the part?

How can a guy understand the life of a transgender woman?  In the film he may act out the issues of fear we feel,  but he doesn’t face this fear when he leaves the movie set.  He can’t understand the struggles we faced in the process of transtioning.  He can’t understand the daily struggle to pass. 

How can he understand the feeling we get when someone makes a rude comment?   How can a male actor understand the maze of medical hurdles we face in getting hormones and surgery?

How can a male actor feel the despair we feel when we face the cost of surgeries when insurance doesn’t cover the costs. 

Maybe Hollywood should consider casting transgender women in the roles of transgender parts.  Maybe Hollywood should end the apparent bigotry against real transgender women.

Musings VIII

Can a transgender woman be Christian?
Recently the Pope claimed that Transgender people are nuclear weapons.   If this is true the transgender people are the weapons of the Devil.  This argument is simular to the notion of same sex marriage will destroy hetero sexual marriges.  Rational people will scratch their heads and the laugh at the absurdity.

Being that Pope Francis is the head of the Catholic Church, one has to see the underlying violence that is being sanctioned.  oh you may say that his comments are not violent.   Every year close to 350 transgender people are murdered every year.   Unfortunately ignorant hate filled people will see the Pope’s comments as a license to violence.

Back to the question, can I as a transgender woman be Christian?  I my view, yes because being Christian is not only faith but also action.   If I follow the words of Jesus, am I not Christian?   These are issues that will divide people and maybe it should be an issue that draws people together.   Unfortunately  the Pope  and Conservative Christian leaders may not want to discuss  this issue. 

Musings VII

Birth Certificates are something people only care about when getting a driver’s license or a passport.  People  don’t think about their Birth Certificate because in there mind it is just a formality of who the are. 

Well for transgender people, we think about it with horror  and fear.  It says we were officially recognized as a gender that is diametrically opposite to what our brain says.  It reminds us that thing are wrong. 

I hated the very sight of my Birth Certificate.   I buried in a file hoping it would magically change and the next time I needed it I would smile. 

For transgender people the hurdles are daunting and having a Birth Certificate that is opposite to how we present ourselves creates wreckage in our lives.  For people that have conservative laws, getting a driver’s license is frustrating and embarrassing.  

As an Oregonian,  the laws are helpful to transgender people.   We can get a driver’s license that corresponds to the gender our brains screams about.  We can also get a legal change in Gender via a court order.

Well today I received my correct Birth Certificate and I am happy.  I now can look at my Birth Certificate and smile. 

I know that the road for other transgender people is more difficult.   I just hope we will see a day when people do not have to deal with insurmountable hurdles.

Musings VI

As a transgender woman, I see bigotry and it can be blatant and subtle.   First I never understood sexism until I transitioned.   Male privalage is alive and well, so to speak.   I have the ability to see the world from both sides of the street.  

Beyond sexism there is the bigotry people have towards transgender women.   There are radical right wing Christians that just hate transgender people.   Men don’t understand why one their “brothers” will betray their their male nature.  There are radical feminists that mimic the messages of the radical right wing Christians.

Recently I  was in a 12 step program business meeting and the lead woman went on a tangent saying only “natural born women can be lesbian.   She went on to say transgender women are not women.   Add to this that lesbian have been victims of decriminalization. 

She doesn’t understand what it means to be transgender and the barriers we face. 

Bigotry has many faces and I am never surprised at what people say.  

Musings V

Frankenboobs
Frankenboobs is the decription women give of their boobs after augmentation.   They are not equal looking and they look nothing like those before and after pictures of augmentation.   They are not squishy like normal boobs.  They are something like a water balloon that is way too full.   They are swollen and the nipples tend to hurt.  The last thing you want is to have someone play with them.

I decided on 475cc moderate plus profile Mentor memory gel implants.   The doctor said that is the most he would cram into my chest.  In hind sight one week after augmentation I think he is definitely right.  

I am happy I had augmentation, however the recovery is a bit disconcerting.  Given how,the look and feel, I am not feeling good about exploring them.  I know it will take 4 to 6 weeks for them to settle in  and become natural looking.  At this point they are not natural looking or feeling.

As for how do I feel having boobs is an interesting question.   I realize I am instantly getting boobs.  They went from an A cup to D cup within 2 hours.  Women take a lot longer than this,to develop breasts.  So the instantaneous transformation is exciting and filled with questions.  
I think as the settle in am look  more  natural I will be happy.  One thought that goes thought that goes though my mind centers around not wanting to break them.  As I said the look and feel  like an over filled water balloons.

More to be discussed

More to be discussed.

Musings IV

Tomorrow I go for augmentation and know this can be seen a an expression of  vanity.  Do breasts define a woman?  My feeling is no because there are women with small breasts and women that have lost there breasts due to cancer. 

I realize that my excitement has to be tempered with the understanding that so many women have suffered the consequences of breast cancer.

I have  to also realize that our society has conflicting positions on women’s breasts.  On one side you have the notion that women shoeing cleavage is a sign of sesuality.  Just look at ads in magazines,  on TV and womens clothing styles.  

On the flip side you have positions by so called religious people.   These positions demand women cover up totally.  

I see augmentation as a step in my journey.   Yes I am going to dress that matches  my style.  Yes I  want to be attractive.   Yes I would love to be with a very special person.  
Those who know  me have been supportive.  I sometimes think  they are more excited than me.

I am sure I am like any other woman seeking augmentation,  I have researched doctors, implant information and size.  Before and after pictures of augmentation has helped me figure out what  I want.  I have figured out what I want.  I am insisting that in the end, I want them to look  natural.  I have listed to my surgeon my friends and especially from my sister Michelle Rydzewski.

More will be  revealed.